If we could turn back time,

Would you do things a little differently? Just a little?

Would you take back those words you wished you didnt say, like 'you bloody bitch ' to your ex-best friend?
Buy that 0h-so- cute little dress that's on the sale rack ( but didn't cos you just bought one the week before)?
Study more than you did for your final exams( you didnt , back then, because you thought that you'll 'remember stuff' better if you leave your studying like 36 hours before the paper)?

Would you undo the things you've done, or scramble to do the things you hope you've done?


I always believed that i wouldn't want to change a thing, even when my fairy god mother decided that i could (if she actually exists, that is ). The ' Would-haves', 'Should haves' and ' Could have beens' are mind-racking , exasperating, destructive and totally pointless, if you still live in the Present ( as opposed to the place where the backside/ass of my fairy god mother face, known as the Past).

And that Life's too short for this pathetic mother of worms called Regret.

Yet. When the days grow long and dreary,
and everything seems to go the way our f*cking beloved Murphy wants,
past decisions, memories and the sorry ass of my fairy-goddamother come back
to haunt. It doesn't help that Reality taunts too.

Relentlessly,sometimes.

Then you (ok, that's ME, not you) start sinking into what my colleague CC calls, Moments of Weakness. I call it the @#$%^&$@ place without sunshine. For those who are fortunate to not have experienced this, let me try my best to illustrate:

It's different, i guess for everyone, this @#$%^&$@ place without sunshine. Self pity, self doubt, anger, frustration, bitterness,grief, pain,regret are just the few different ingredients of what lies in this shit hole. It's like those cutsey Happy meals u get at Macdonalds.Many combinations of anything and everything, subject to individual preference. Except that in that shit hole of yours( or mine, for that matter), nothing is cute nor happy.

What applies to everyone ,though, is that the longer you stay there, the harder it is to get out.

Interestingly, i've never known or heard of anyone who actually died of a broken heart.
Heart attack,yes. Broken spine, yes. But broken heart, no. Not literally, anyway. We all know of someone ( or maybe ourselves as well?) who move on with life,with bits and pieces of his/her heart stuck else where, better or worse than before. But alive nonetheless :)

The resilience of the human spirit is indeed amazing. You may stumble,fall, screw up every bloody single thing in life, but you won't die. If you have the will to fight,that is.

I've seen people die of a broken spirit, literally and otherwise.
It's ugly and it's a tragedy.

So, i'll say
When in doubt ( whatever that means),
Fight.



Our greatest glory is not in never failing , but in rising every time we fall. - Confucius

Sometimes, just sometimes...

I just want to run away and hide.

Good Night.

The Virgin Post

This is it.
My first time, the first one.
Oh,how my heart beats for it.

Alright, that's enough of drama for the day.
I've started a blog,period.

For those who're interested to know why ,(ok, maybe you don't.But i don't believe in democracy,anyway)
Here it goes:

1. I'm done with stalking people's blog. I want someone to stalk mine as well.
2. My Horoscope says i should start one.
3. I need a space to air all my dirty linen. There are not enough tek-gohs to go around at where i'm at now.(For the uninitiated, tek-gohs are bamboo poles use to hang all your laundry,literally. If you're too atas to know what a tek-goh , too bad.)
4. I also need a place to declare my ever-lasting and never-ending love for my (potential )love interests, imaginary or otherwise. You know like, I love so and so , forever and ever and ever and ever.Kiss-Kiss. Hug-Hug. ( Ok, pushing too far Jane Lim, not very funny now.)
   
5. I want to capture these wild,crazy and neurotic conversations i've with myself up in the head into something more tangible.( A certain high school teacher of mine said that only smart people talk to themselves.Indeed.)
   
6. Because my bloody shrink says so.
   

I sound like i do need some help, up there in the head. But it's ok, there're people out here who love me anyway.
Life's too short to be normal.

Speaking of love and people who really matter,
I'm really blessed to have so many people, so much love,there for me when i need them.
Even at times when i think i don't.
Because of them, Everyday's Christmas. :)

Thank you,Santa Claus.
To everyone else,
Merry Christmas.