They say...

Patience is a virtue. Well, i sure don't feel that virtous at all.

I guess, it is too early for me to pass any form of judgement, isn't it?
Don't really want to bite tongues and take back my words a few weeks down the road, yah.

Maybe the impending monthly amplifies every single thing.
It sucks.

Ok, i do realise i sound juvenile and childish , amongst other things.


If it is ridiculous, it is ridiculous.

I think i am still a confused kid, at the end of the long day.

Here We go again..

I guess I am not very good with changes.
In fact, breaking my good own routines , to say the very least, disturbs me.
This is strange, ironic even, considering my tendencies to initiate changes.

I'll keep this short. Well, as short as I can.
A new beginning lies ahead of me, officially tomorrow morning. At 9 am.
Yes, I should be tucked in bed right now. But truth is, I have been keeping late nights and consequently some mornings for the past few months. During the course of which, I have been a lady of leisure through and through. And I can't say I didn't enjoy it.

I have no idea why i seem to be fretting earlier,
or why I'm feeling uncertain and apprehension amongst other things, right now.
I usually display more guts, more courage than this.

I will overcome. And I will.

A letter to The Special One...

Dear He-whose-eyes-twinkle-when-he-smiles,

I remember the first time I met you. We were colleagues, and we were colleagues.
You were all tall, serious, oh-so-no nonsense that i almost didn't dare to talk you.
Me, the queen of drama-mama. Flinging hands and lightning talking speed.

You don't exactly come across as a big fan of slap stick humour and crazy antics like I am, you know?In fact, I wouldn't have thought you are capable of being a loving,patient and wonderful boyfriend you are to me now :P

You do know how the story about you and I unfolds from there, don't you?

I remember there was a time when I fell quite sick and incoherent in the office,
you rushed down immediately from your home to check me despite a punishing US shift the night before. And you stayed with me without sleep and laments but with plenty love and patience.

It was then I realised how important I am to you, and how dear you make me feel.

I remember how lost and down I felt, not too long ago after being laid off.
But you never gave up believing in me. You held me with strong arms as I cried,shouted and threw tantrums, fed me with kind words , and pulled me up to my feet ever so patiently. Flowers, spas,presents, movies, good food. You did everything you can to cheer me up.

I never forget the look on your face when you see me smile.
That is what I mean when I say, your love humbles me.

I cannot even begin to describe how loved and safe you have made me feel, so choked up I am writing this right now.

Of course, there are the good times and the bad times.
It is just how amazing the good times outweighs the bad, and I can only vividly remember our happy laughter and how right it feels when my hand is in yours.

Thank you for loving me the way you do, like I am always perfect in your eyes.

I have so much to thank you for, but I am choking up again for the all the emotions are welling up so strong within me.But I am sure you know what I want to say....


I love you very much.

Will you always hold my hand, baby?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I am not proposing, btw hor :P


Your XMJ

If the World is my Oyster...

I'll like to eat it raw. With squeeze of zest lemon, please?
I've been thinking. Thinking, and more thinking.
And then some.

We all know how I seem to enjoy immersing myself in self imposed torture chambers of intense,unsolicited,and sometimes gratituous ( if i say so myself) thinking.

You know, tearing off my hair off my scalp and mumbling at my own thoughts?
Yes, the likes of it.

I am, indeed, crazy.

It's wonder that i haven't been sent to a shrink by my parents. Or my boyfriend, for that matter. ( In any case, one would not trust my well being in the hands of a person whose pea size of the brain remains highly dubious - Shrink, shrank, shrunk, shrunken? Get it? No?...)

You know how I am, always, the deep one?
Stop the sniggering. I.can.hear.it.from.here.

Basically, all i want to say is that I have bloody whole load of ideas which I am dying to bring to life. You will be surprised at my tenacity,determination and plain old stubborness. Oh, you mean they all meant the same thing?

And , damn, am I trying to live my life to the fullest or what?

One of my greatest fears which I have been carrying close to my heart,
is that I'll get stuck in the Rat race all my life. With millions, billions of other rats.It sucks to be mediocre. To be ordinary.

Truth is , I am still in the Rat race.
And it's too early to tell if I'll win or get out of it.
All I know is that, at this point of time, I am a happy rat.
Save for the tearing at my scalp and mumbling tendencies.

And I'm extremely thankful for that :)

Thank you.

The La la las of my over rated Life

I suppose I always secretly wanted to be an over-achiever, to be seen as the cream of the crop. Scary, isn't it ?
Yes, beneath the happy-go-lucky, often nonsensical front, I am indeed someone who wants to achieve. To be seen as one of THE movers and shakers.

Indeed.

I suppose the inadequacy I am feeling right now mirrors the fact that I am insanely fixated on the status quo. On the status quo. I am maintaining now.

I want something more, it is crazy sometimes how much I desire success.

But the sobering truth is, fortunately or otherwise ( depending whose side you are on), the Higher-ups cannot and will not comply if you do not know what you want.

In fact, right to a certain extent, I have gotten what I want. Just like what I wish for.Thing is, is that enough?
Or rather is this really what I want?
I say, I wouldn't know if i never did try.

And yes, I think too much. Sometimes, I wonder if my super ability to think ever cripples my ability to action.

My inner control freak battles the fear monster ever so ferociously, it's overrated.

On a lighter, more coherent thought, I always try to make donations whenever I can. I'm not trying to paint a holier-than-thou picture, my innate self righteous self notwithstanding. Hehe.

In the light of the many charitable organizations embezzling money for selfish reasons, I can understand why many have trouble reconciling skepticism and their acts of kindness. Do i make sense here?

I think my brain is going through some of sort comatose, not unknown or uncommon to greedy overeaters like yours truly. ( Popeyes and fish soup makes u lose your coherence??)

My point is, that whenever I am asked to make a donation , buy something to help the less fortunate, I'll tell myself this:

If I can spend my money purchasing the dresses, bags or what ever which I probably do not logically need another of, I do believe I have enough dough to help someone else in need. To put it bluntly, I rather get cheated by a bogus charity than to miss out an opportunity to assist someone who really needs it.

But of course, our common sense tells us to check for official authorisation documents and beneficiaries before handing over any form of donations.

Giving, in every sense of the words, is humbling.