No pictures, no major updates..

For benefit of all mankind, the only minor update i have is that
I need to freaking study if i want to have any chance of passing my M1 tomorrow.

We ( or rather I) need to put things into perspective.
I will bloody hell study now.. Thank you and end of story.

Out of La la land

It's getting harder, and the air's thinner.
Not very comfortable, and I'm indeed fretting now.
I wonder how much is at stake?

And I thought I was cool as a cucumber, and my mind firm as a rock.
Bullshit.
Careless, callous words set me ablaze and thoroughly seared through my self worth. It hurts.

It hurts even more to realise that how much I hunger for empathy and understanding. And of course, affirmation.

Just how much have I lost? I hate this feeling, to be such an ingrate.
For I am in a far more privileged position than most.

I hate knowing that I have not done my best.
Hate knowing that I have not place my best card down, thinking I have a strategy.

I am just too antsy, too short fused.
Not easy to hang around with these days.

It's crazy how often I fall and then pick myself up again. The cycle goes on.

On a terrible side note, my skin is acting up again :(

WHEE double dee double dooo...

I know i know. I was in one of those morbid,dark mood just yesterday.
Then it all lifted by a surprise which came moments ago.

I'm jumping like the Energiser bunny now.
Hop,hop,hop!

Pretty flowers with loads of love, from the very dear one:)
Maybe I'll take a picture or 2, when i'm free.

'I know Love isn't easy, not all nice and rosy.
And that it's about all about the Journey,
walking past the Maybes, and weathering through nasties'

There is never a doubt that I love you, and I love the way you love me:)

It's catching up on us, My friend

The heat is coming on, hot and threatening.
To blow the fuse, and what not.

The facade and the pretense to stay strong in the face of adversity are all lies.
Lies, not for anyone else but myself. To keep myself sane and functional.
Some people call it optimism, while others call it self denial.

Regardless of which camp you're siding, i hope you are in a better position than I am to judge me. For I have heard that judging excessively is a surest way to hell. Yes, the soul in a pressure cooker is the most vindictive.

I hate this.
I am a loser, liar and a complete monster. And I digress.
Why can't I be stronger,and more resourceful?


Fighting for dignity and self worth is an endless battle.
When I mean self worth, it means getting what I deserve and not settle for less.
It's meaning going towards somewhere i want to go, somewhere i want to be.

I am lost, yet I am not.
My state of employment, my pedigree( ok i make myslef sound like a real bitch. Woof!), my lifetime (thus -far) of accomplishments should not dictate me. They should not be a summary of who am I.

The battle still goes on, I'll never go down without a good fight.
and who says, i'll be falling down anyway :)

Random-dee-doo-dum... Part 1

I like to laugh at myself, my own mistakes.
Those rumours about me being anal, and being hard on myself.
They are true. Perhaps.

Thing is, I've successfully pretend to acclimatize myself such that I grew oblivious ,even ignorant of things which i may potentially care. The state of tidiness in my room, the economy, the weather and basically the likes of it.

I give reasons, I justify, I procrastinate. Tsk- tsk.
This does not sound like the makings of a great person. I need my self-help books already.
On precious hindsight ( this sounds like I am already dead. But I do not wish to challenge your intelligence), what can potentially spell my success as person has made me less of the person I am now.

I'm the kind of the person who needs the full story, I need to know the nitty-gritties.
I like the idea of completion. Any inadequacies, flaws, missing details maybe tolerated till i forget about it. But like I've said, being anal maybe the root of my elephant memory.
And we all know we only remember what we want to remember.

The thing they say about Women being great multi-taskers, is sometimes lost on me.
If being a fantastic multi-tasker makes me a woman,
then I am not one. But of course we all know how silly this is, especially when i just checked my nether-regions once again. ( I know you don't have to know, but I'm kiddding in the name of fun!)

I cannot be much of a multi-tasker, if I has exceedingly keen eyes for details which I place importance on. I seek completion.

But of course, the ability to eat,shit and listen at the same time is innate. It's primitive, and instinctive. It does not make me more or less of a woman, for that matter. So is the ability to make do with what you have. It's human nature, and sometimes it naseates me how human i can get.