A short post to get some things off my chest...

I dislike being overlooked and thrown into something like an afterthought. Nobody does.
I see how this manifests into occasional little episodes at work and I don't like it. This is something I'm aware of and have brushed it off because that 'something' doesn't come along that often. And really, I couldn't care less as I  see the job as a temporary  incubator where I grow my wings and await for an opportunity to fly.

However, it makes me wonder if failing to act on this will affect me negatively career and personal development wise. I generally subscribe to the Art of War teaching, ' Choosing battle to fight' which has its merits and obvious flaws.

As it goes, I am away from the Month of October quite a bit which explains I'm still pretty upbeat and carefree ( hopefully not careless) at work. The challenge will come in November ( my birthday month!) and December.

I'm still struggling to find my balance and focus.

Life as it turns out..

Our first wedding anniversary has passed us by without much fan fare and celebratory what-nots.

It's quiet but not at all forgotten. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm exactly the kind of person who jumps at every possible occasion to celebrate and feast  or to buy a little something to commemorate a special day. Yes, the very kind of person who needs to get a back-to-school bag to mark the beginning of grad school or a new outfit for a first day of work. The exact opposite of how my husband lives his life but that's a a story for another day. 

The truth is that both of us were deeply entrenched in the daily grind that we didn't have time to plan for anything. He was flying quite a bit for a work (and I don't mean like a superman though the idea tickles me) and I was struggling to find my focus in the midst of work, school and then some.

As life always turns out, we ended up spending THE day ( and the couple of days leading to this) in a most unexpected place and an even more unexpected way.

We attended an Indian wedding in India and spent our time gazing  at the new couple and smirking to ourselves, ' You don't know what you are getting into'. Alright, I kid. 

The experience is nothing less than amazing despite being apprehensive over a million things before the trip. 

I stayed in a great hotel, had great food and see many new things. What's not to like?

It's no wonder that India's wedding industry is said to be recession proof and oh-so-lucrative ( the mba student in me thinks that I should provide a reference to the original sources but the sloth in me says no). 

The only tiniest regret was that I didn't have a chance to explore India since the wedding fan-fare were held over 3 days. It does feel hypocritical to say I've seen India when all I've seen are the fancy and the colourful.

Back to epiphany ( I learnt this word from watching Simpsons on tv) I've had last week, I need to find my focus and priorities in life in order to excel and achieve what is important to me. Not rocket science but something to focus ( literal lack of better word) on in the midst of all those brain fog.

At this very moment, my priority is be a better wife to my long suffering husband. It's not like I haven't been trying to be a good wife or a good partner all these while but my work and school have taken precedence over him. He has been so supportive, loving and understanding that it's easy to forget it takes a lot of work on his part to be just that. 

I feel loved. And I want him to feel the same too. 24/7.

I love you, Papoi. Here's to many beautiful, loving and happy years of Marriage!

Welcome to the dark side...

Here I am again.

Perching at the edge of a cross-road, blind-sided by everything and nothing at all, paralyzed with insecurities and fears which never seem to go away completely. That's right, I am out of balance and playing the blaming game with myself.

I have been told , by family and friends, that I can be too hard on myself. That I should learn to take some credit and take the chill pill on the way to asylum ( alright, i exaggerate). The truth is, I know I can do much better if only I've tried harder. If only they knew how I give into my idiosyncrasies and feed my procrastinating and time wasting tendencies. The guilt trips I'll put myself on serve no purpose other than wrecking my sense of self worth.

I think one of the most scariest things which can happen to anyone is the awareness  that you are not realizing your true potential as time slips you by. And boy, I'm scared shitless sometimes.

I am feeling out of the balance and the flu medicine is not helping either. I'll pick myself up and start over again. One step at a time.

The beauty of Life lies in the endless possibilities it brings in the next minute.

 I will and I am.

Wings

My wings are mine,
They are mine to clip.

The freedom to fly,
it is precious to keep.

There will not be defeat,
there will not be deceit.

If only you know,
how my heart pleads,
that my wings are yours,
the place where it fits.

As the crazies of the world Unite...

It has been brought to my attention that I may indeed be a magnet for crazy women. The frequency at which the magnetic field around me is vibrating must be the key to this absurd affinity. Observing psychotic behaviour of others can be both amusing and frightening at the same time. You never know when you are going to get stabbed while musing about the hilarity of the situation.

I’m not sure if there’s something so special about me which attract female psychopaths. Is it the smell from my pits that tickle their olfactory senses or do I have the kind of face and demeanour which suggest that I have high tolerance for bullshit? I’m a nice person but not that nice. And my husband will be more than happy to tell you that no, my appetite for bullshit isn’t that high

I remember an episode with a Vietnamese classmate back in the university days. She was in my project team for one of the elective modules. I remember speaking to her quite a bit as she was a foreign student and seem to have some trouble fitting in. She seems fine and normal until she started texting strange stuff (I can’t remember the exact content but everyone I showed the texts to found it weird) and asking me out (which is totally fine except that the way she does it is just plain weird). I was genuinely busy at that time so was not able to go out with her. She started off saying that she got a gift for me (I thought she might have started selling insurance) and complimenting about how a good friend I am. The rest of her passive-aggressive ways are now a blur since it happened 10 years ago.  She might have mentioned that she’s very lonely and stuff in many of her texts but I can only recall the immense sense of relief when she finally backed off.

Since then, I have met someone’s crazy ex, another someone who sent a picture of her slit wrist because her personal relationship woes (and no, we are not BFF. At all.), a socially awkward person who only believes in her own sense of reality (yes, she’s the one I’m afraid getting stabbed by).

I believe in karma because I just realised that I left my wallet at home. Maybe I have good karma after all because I found 11 bucks in some dark corners of my bag. 

Mental Block

Mental block is like having a bout of constipation.

There are ways you've heard that may relieve the condition but don't necessarily work when you actually try them.

You spend time trying to coax both body and mind to get out of their ruts. And you get upset when both body and mind refuse to listen to you.

Either way (condition), you are screwed.

By the way, what do you mean by alcohol doesn't help?

First Take away from my MBA course

Here's my first take away, two months into my MBA course:

Do not procrastinate on assignments. On anything. Ever. After.

At a ripe old age of 29++, I should have known better.

Life has a knack of teaching you the same lesson over and over again till you finally get it.

My current thoughts:

I want a beer.

I want to shop.

I want a holiday.

Oh shit, I need to work on my assignment now. Pronto.

I need a beer.

I need to shop.

I need a holiday.

Conclusion: I obviously have issues and then some. A moment like this shouldn't be funny except that it is.

kthanksbye.