The Story of A Little Fish......

For once there was a little fish who lived in a tiny pond.
A pond that was one small, enclosed sanctuary of calm,safe water, somewhere in a corner of Planet Earth. Well, the little fish might be living in a long-gang and not know the the difference anyhow.
In fact, even at this point of its life,this little fish had never heard of Fillet-O-Fish.

Such was the ignorance and innocence of this little fish.

Heaven was merciful and Mother Nature was kind. The Little Fish grew less Little, and became somewhat bigger. It ( she or she, whichever you prefer. We believe in gender equality around here. Sort of.) also grew somewhat wiser, much more aware of the undercurrents in the water.

More aware of the supposed dangers that lurked beyond the pond. Those 'Unspeakables' that the bigger fish in the pond had warned the now Not-so-little Fish (NSLF, for convenience's sake)about.

So, for while, the NSLF swam around the little pond . and took each day as it was. There was food, and there was food that came out of nowhere.( Or so it thought.)
Life was pretty. Pretty uneventful, to say the least.

All this while, the little pond stayed little.

Well like all stories went , the protagonist grew restless and decided to see the world ( okie, no points for creativity here). The moment came when Fate interfered. A storm decided to visit and flush the NSLF out of the pond. Into a meandering river with rather choppy waters.

The NSLF was of course,afraid but also exhilarated at the first taste of freedom and adventure.It saw stuff, both good and bad. Bigger stranger looking fish, hunting for food. Whose food, sometimes, was the likes of NSLF.And after a closer encounter with baits and hooks, the NSLF knew that nothing could be taken for granted in this world.

The NSLF, somehow with the graces of the universe, got by.

One day, the NSLF became The Fish.
(It was not known how much wiser The Fish had become, or if its intelligence or analytical ability had grown thus far. It just became The Fish , one fine day. )

We all know how a river usually connects to the larger water mass, sea or the ocean.
Eventually, The Fish has to get there. By hook ( I pray not), or by crook.
Will the Fish swim back to the pond, stay in the river, or plunge into the deep blue sea?
Or perhaps will it be relinquished to other unsavory( pun intended,really.) endings?

How will the story of the Fish unfold?

The past week....

has been severely clouded by the insistent and foul bouts of hormonally induced mood swings. ( Read: PMS)
I don't have a habit of throwing hissy fits, never mind my less-than-sweet demeanor.
When I'm pissed, I'm pissed about something. Not nothing, PMS or not.
Well, perhaps the physiological ( some say psychological?) influence of hormonal fluctuation probably magnifies it all.

But of course, there are times when I just need to be alone.
And sometimes, I'll just want to take a backseat in social situations.
Somehow, people would prefer to think that I'm the Energiser Bunny, 24-7.
Gregarious,upbeat, dramatic/funny, full of energy and warmth even.
If you don't know me well (not many people do, unfortunately :( ),
it might be hard to reconcile that fact I do have my quiet moments.
Sometimes, just sometimes, it's exasperating to explain that.
In my world, there's usually no 'Why' i do things the way I do.

I like to take solitary walks, have lunch alone, to lock myself in my room and do
my own stuff.And I can be quite adamant about having my own privacy and space.
Even when I'm hanging out with others, I just want to chill, observe and listen at times.
I don't see any reason why I have to always make conversation and to make merry.
That's not me. And I don't think that's why my parents brought me to this world for.
( In case you have forgotten, I'm here to save the world and bring world peace.)

If you think that my favorite hobby is to yak non-stop and prance mindlessly,
I can assure you that you couldn't be more wrong. It's crazy because i know some people
seem to perceive me this way. Perhaps, it's my fault that I give out such vibes.
Or perhaps, I just don't want anyone to know me too well.

I've been having dreams of recurring themes for the past few nights.
Like being unprepared for an examination. My sub-conscious is saying something.
A change is inevitable. Soon.

My body is aching, and I don't know why. And I overslept for the past five weekdays,
which in turn caused me to incur substantial transportation costs( and put me on the way of
becoming the Honorary member/Sponsor of Save-the-Cab-drivers association. Erm, though
i may find a very strong contender in dearest Jill =P )

Okie, enough of the incessant whining and moaning.
According to sexy Pouty lips, my past week has been H&H ( hip & happening.)
Well, aside from the very exciting stories Lovingly contributed by at least 3 close companions ( I swear Spring is already coming , and Love in the air! Not in my air though, darn it.)

The highlights of the week include:

We will rock you -The musical

I've been wanting to watch this. But being the great procrastinator that I am ( and the fact I rarely take the initiative to ask anyone out. Unless you're a close friend, or if you're my mum.),
I only caught it on Wednesday night, many thanks to XX who took sympathy on me :).

And I'm bloody glad that I've watched it, before the musical ends its run.
It's awesome, fantastic and well worth of my money.
The band behind all these live music was out of the world, gorgeously talented.
Goodness, Champions in every way.

I have to admit that I was nursing a huge crush on the male lead, Galileo (MiG Aleysa).
He's cute, not in the poster boy- prince charming of cute. In fact, I don't find him exactly
physically attractive. However, I was blown over by his sheer talent and intense charisma
on stage. This is one man who can sing. ( Note: I actually sampled his album in HMV, which
I'm afraid doesn't do his vocals any justice. And then some.)

I really enjoyed the performance, and yes Singaporeans are wee bit sedate as usual.

Moving on to last night ( TGIF!), I was at Esplanade to catch :

The Great Spy Experiment

One local indie band, supposedly. Supposedly because I don't know exactly what indie means now ( independent and all),but indie is how they describe themselves. Anyhow, They are also one local rock band. Rock, I know and I like. Most of it, that is.

Now, remember I've said I'm not a very discerning/ discriminating music lover.
In fact, I seem to enjoy commercialized juvenile angsty rock quite a lot though. And I'm not above singing songs by boy band has-beens in the shower. No Britney Spears now, though.

So I'm not very arty-farty. But the gig last night was pretty close to exhilarating and,somewhat painful. Painful, because I was standing ( free- standing ,btw) and bobbing my head and body to the beats and the music, throughout the performance. Being less athletically inclined, my feet felt sore after that pseudo dancing and head pumping . But it's worth it, lar.

The drummer, Fandy , is/was extremely good. In fact, the reason why I went for this concert was partly because of him. I was at Wala a couple of weeks ago and Fandy happened to guest-drum with the UnXpected for like 2 songs. And I was sold.

I seem to have a thing for talented guys. Eh, on second thoughts, most of the time =P

Well that pretty much summed up my so called H&H week.
Nothing remotely interesting, if you know what I mean.

Next week seems quite H &H, if you will.
But of course, if you are a cute, smart( and/or talented), and decently nice soul,
I can always make time for you. And for once, my life might be interesting then.
Oh well, I think I've said this before.

Hopefully, I'll be less lazy and do up a post on the books I've read lately.
Long over due, i know.

By the way, I love slow, lazy Saturdays like these, once in a while.
And yes, I am and will be locked up in my room, doing my own stuff.



Ok, That sounds a little wrong. Just a little.

Letters to( not exactly so) random people..

* names have been changed to protect my privacy, and in some cases, to maintain a certain
degree of civility and goodwill amongst parties.*

Disclaimer: If you has this strong, nagging suspicion that I might be directing these
thoughts/advice/notes to you, chances are you might be right. But of course, when in doubt,
you can always ask me. Right.

To XYZ,
I'm really ( and quite ridiculously so) happy for you and your potential romantic prospect.
Very exciting, indeed. =P
Had a good workout jumping around my room, when you called to tell me juicy news.
Really!

On a more serious note,it's funny how we're alike, the tendency to overestimate
our mending abilities and our threshold for pain.
We have all moved on,haven't we?
And for you, I'm sure to something better :)

To Ah Ger,
It would be nice if you can start acting like your age. I'm hardly the most mild mannered and patient person around.If you can kindly get out of your bitter,self absorbed world a little, perhaps you will realise you're not exactly the most pleasant company ever.
My obliging and accomodating tendencies shouldn't be taken for granted or advantage of.
And please, do not attempt to be rude to me, again.

To You ( go figure, but i doubt you'll know who's the you, even if it's really you):
If you have more facial expressions, maybe you'll be easier to read.
Then again, maybe not. I have so many yet not many (if any) can read me well.
Seriously, i don't know anything if there's anything.
By the way, I'm very good at keeping secrets. Especially my own.

To a certain flying ,feathered living thing,
I think the time for us to be friends again, may have arrived.
Soon, so don't be surprised if you hear anything from me soon.

And to A & B,
All I want is for both of you to be happy.
But, sometimes I don't know how.

And to dear Miss Jane Lim ding ding,
we would always love to know what we don't know.

I went for a walk in the park one day...

and saw a cat which looked like a bird.
That same bird that flew just fast enough to escape its claws.
Eerie. Surreal. I don't know.

As it turns out, this post is going to be Topsy-turvy, self-indulgent ( as usual),
pseudo-philosophical and probably utterly nonsensical. It's again about everything,
and nothing at all.

Maybe, you can guess. But i think you will be wrong.
I'm getting weirder, by the day.
Who the hell says age mellow one's temperament?
( Who let the dogs out? WHO? WHO? WHO? - weird indeed =P)

Talking about all things nonsensical, funny, and jokey,
I've an issue with people who thinks that I'm stupid.
Or speak to me like I've asses and donkeys for brains.
(Which you must kindly realize by now that, this is certainly not true.)
The fact I don't take myself too seriously and occasionally self-deprecating,
doesn't give anyone the right to treat me like I'm an inconsequential piece of fluff.

It matters. Then maybe, it's the PMS at work.
But really, it's about respect.

I'm boring. Politically correct, straight-laced, and nice, most of the time.
Nice, by the way is the most overused and vague adjective ever invented.
Sometimes, we wonder if the implied negative connotations of this word
often outweigh the positive.We all heard of the ' Nice guys finish last', haven't we?

And Ladies, doesn't ' I admit/am sure/ know He's nice, but....' sound awkwardly familiar?
Nice is bland, and hardly exciting.
Sorry, I'm not exactly sure what was that for , to be honest?

I hate the feeling of being second in line, a congratulatory prize.
Seriously, I've quite enough of mediocrity myself.
It's about time, really. For a change.

Undercurrents, sarcasms, affected body language (benign and otherwise) are not oblivious
to me. I'm aware of it and we often assume that others are less 'intuitionally' inclined than ourselves. I'm guilty of being the Others ( Not the Nicole Kidman show, lar) sometimes as well.

Somehow, everyone of us likes to feel superior to others, usually without realizing it.

We know what we're talking about. Not always sure, but we do have inkling somehow.
Don't kid yourself, to believe something else altogether.

I like me a lot.Is there such thing as too much love for Thyself?
In fact, I'm rather anal about this preservation of the ' me' essence.
Some things are not meant to be compromised.
I can never figure out why some people try to be someone else,all their lives.
Herd instinct, a sore lack of identity, or a need to be accepted?
Quit emulating, start living for yourself,lar.

Change is what you want it to be.
The crux of it all is then , Are you ready for it?
Never too late, never too trivial.

The time is now.

I love the smell of freshly baked bread, and when children smile. ( At me Preferably.)

i think I'm slipping into one of those random, merry-go-round moments.

Happy for a friend now =)
Maybe spring is the season of new beginnings and robust hopes!

God works in His mysterious ways...

and brought me here.

I've made a choice to be closer to Him, and i intend to stick by it.
It's one of those things that I've meant to do long ago,
but never did. Excuses, reasons and pure procrastination, i suppose.

Perhaps, I wasn't ready then.
Even now, I can't deny I'm still dealing with doubts, priorities and the what nots.
I guess there's no perfect time, there's only now.

I've always been sitting on the fence, when it comes to religion.
Not apathetic, certainly not indifferent.
Perhaps I would say it's kind of like a tug-of-war,
between priorities, values and beliefs.

For the uninitiated, I've joined RCIA early this year to learn more about the
Catholic faith. And yes, this post is long time overdue.

Remember I always lament how I hate to explain the things I do?
Maybe it's time to get rid of this nasty habit.

I've been in missionary schools for most parts of my education journey.
Yes, right from pre-school and stopping short of University,
the catholic ways and values are as familar to me as books and exams.

And my parents are not even Christians to begin with.
Ah, the Mysterious hands of God.

I remember how i love singing hymns when i was in Kindagarten.
I still do, by the way.

Saying prayers before meals, colouring pictures of Mother Mary and Jesus
and listening to those wonderful biblical stories have been part of my childhood.
Praying and giving thanks before I sleep is something I still do.


Yet, burning joss sticks and incense papers were also very much part of the enviroment
I was being brought up in. The great feasts of ducks and chickens that took placed after rituals
performed on certain days of the Lunar calender. Temple visits to pay respect to the Deities.
Temple dinners coupled with auctions to celebrate the birthdays of different religious entities.

Isn't there any conflict of interests? Yo might ask.
Back in the past, I would feel a wee bit hypocriticals sometimes
But most of it all, no. Because I'm quite sure where I stand spiritually.

The tug of war only comes largely because my parents are traditional Chinese with rather
firm Taoist beliefs. They're fine with me and my inclination towards the Catholic faith all this while.Probably due to their inherent indulgent nature, towards me at least.
However, let's just say that things became more than a little different,
When they realised that I'm taking this faith rather seriously indeed.

But i'm working on it. :)
Like what a friend I've met at the RCIA said,
' Show them through your actions. And also pray'.
( Well the gist of it, anyway)

I sure have alot of things to pray about,
and give thanks for.

For that, I thank you Lord.

And the ache goes on and on..

the aftermath of my wisdom tooth extraction, that is.
Yes, the novelty of it all has wore off.
And no, the ache and discomfort refuse to go away.

I hate to whine, but my tummy doesn't take to semi solid food too well.
Nothing stands between me and my food. Usually.
Roar!

I want real food =(
And it's such a pain in the ass when i can't smile and laugh heartily,
the way i usually do.

Makes me moody and sore, and restless.

Seems like I've overestimated my threshold for pain, again.
Old habits die hard. Oh well.

The dental clinic called to ask if I'm alright. And my dentist sent a message
to check if I'm fine. Nice people=)

But it doesn't make the pain go away. Boo!

Anyway, I'll be on Asia shift for another two months of monotony and utter stagnancy.

At least, my social life will be back. So people, please date me for
dinner/movie/live music/ shopping sprees. And i sure need to continue
my Spanish classes before I forget every single thing.


And you happen to be of a opposite gender,single and eligible,
we can go for coffee, tea (or me?) sometime soon.
( I swear it's the painkillers talking. Dr Tay, you hate me, don't you?)

On a more serious yet rather nonsensical note,
I guess it's true when people ( sages,idiots,wise men, how would i know?) say that
Time truly heals. I'm lucky, that way.

Life's too short, really.
And nothing's too crazy, too impossible for me. ( Or for you, in any case.)

I'm getting out of this rut.
Are you?

There goes my Wisdom....

Tooth!

I had my wisdom tooth extracted today. Like, finally.

Eh, I know it's probably not as exciting as erm like, giving birth.
And that many of you people reading my lately rather lackluster blog,
have probably been there, done that.
(Both the act of getting the elusive tooth and baby out of tissues and more tissues)

Yeah, the same kind people who fed me with horror stories about swollen jaws
and bouts of bleeding episodes.

Well, I've survived to tell the gruesome, gory and bloody story.
Yes, it's time for me to scare all you wisdom-tooth-surgery virgins out there.
(I'm those vengeful people , don't you know?)
Basically, I had about five shots of anesthesia because my gums can't bear to part
with the cute little pain nerves. Even for a while.

Anyhow, I'll liken my tooth as the old, flat tyre and my dentist as the mechanic.
I'm not even kidding when i say that the dental instruments look suspiciously like spanners
and screwdrivers you find in the garage.
Maybe my dentist hates me.

In any case, my tooth finally decided to give in and bid my gums goodbye after
much of crazy maneuvering and digging.
And I swear the sheer sight and smell of blood
almost mutated me into a vegetarian.
I'm glad that I'm not a doctor. Or a dentist.
Or a murderer, at that.

I'm also bloody( no pun intended,really) damn glad that
it's over.

P.S: Many Loves and Hugs to the lovely people who sent their regards and concerns to
the now wisdom-toothless me!

And Life's getting better, I can feel.
Despite the fact that I'm still struggling with certain issues,
I can feel hope,joy and all the good things coming to me.
In fact, I'm feeling so cheerful and upbeat that I find it rather
puzzling. My colleagues think I'm on drugs, these days.
It feels like the anticipation of receiving lovely gifts
on Christmas Eve.

Maybe, it's the aftermath of the Hong Kong trip two weeks ago.
It was hell of a good trip. Pictures and more on that soon, I think.

I know the word 'Metamorphosis' is overused and lacks creativity.
However,I'm otherwise unable describe this change in me.
It's like shedding the old skin, uncomfortable but truly necessary.
Something and everything is changing and i can't explain.
Of course, there are issues to deal and get over with it.
But I believe in God's grace.
And He will provide what I need, and maybe not always what I want.

For that, I give my thanks.

Oh. Before i forget,
Have I told you that I'm on 5 days MC? :P
*shuns all the evil eyes and green faces*