If you can't hold on...

Everything's in limbo, and I don't know what to do.

Relentlessly Cute..

Like what i told my boyfriend earlier, I seem to exude more wild eyed, a tad too whimsical kind of slapstick humour and wit when i am stressed/depressed.

It might be hereditary.

lim says:
papa feel like a duck lor

jane says:
how come?
quack quack quack?

lim says:
maybe i swim like a duck lor.hehe3

jane says:
ahahahha
nvm now u swim faster liao
like mermaid
except ur merman
ajjaajaj
hahah

lim says:
hahahahahaha what a cute comment

jane says:
of course cos i am LIM CUTE-CUTE
ahhahaha
i think k p tan's medicine make me cuckoo liao
ahhaha

lim says:
kp tan stand for kap po

jane says:
whaahhahaha
kap po = toad/frog?
ahahah
no wonder i bit ding dong liao

Dr K P Tan is my family doctor, and trust us we all adore him.
My dad was just being himself, funny bone buzzing. And I'm obviously
still relentlessly holding to my alter-ego Lim cute-cute.

Or maybe my brand of quirky ( understated), neurotic brand of humour is just inherent in me.
(well, I would not rule out that I might have some mental disorder as a consequence of some childhood fever)



jane says:
yah supposedly even more effective if u drink salt water form the shell
but then agian it might old wive's tale
ahhaha
i almost said old wives'd tail ahhaa
next time when i become an old wive, pls check whethe ri have a tail growing out my ass
*wife

Richie says:
yes dear
ahahahahahaha
that was really amusing
u got me smiling like hell man


We were talking about eating durians.
This proves two things ( or maybe three):

It's either i cannot spell, disillusioned , have complete disregard for proper grammar/spelling and I have very accommodating boyfriend.

Or I just need to sleep now because the medicine is making me senseless.
And of course, my boyfriend is still accommodating in this case.

Ah, trivial of Life!

Repeat. Stop. Repeat.

I begin to sound like a broken record, feeling and lamenting the same old thing over and over.
Life becomes a blur when you are on repeat mode.


I feel so, messy inside.
And it shows on the outside.
For one, my brother has been asking me why i ' look like shit' these days.
The lacklustre skin, zits , the dark eye bags and the likes do not look becoming on me.

It's funny and ironical how people perceive me as being cheerful and happy-go-lucky,
for I am such a perpetual stress ball and think tank ( what ever that means to you).


Sing the song that I've never heard before,
the one which moved my very core.

Take me away from the busy street,
it seems like I can't dance with my two left feet.

Place your ear against my heart,
and weigh the dreams that have not start.


Standing in the dark the city has cast,
I shall not wallow in the forgotten path.

The lights which seem so far ahead,
please come to light my flame of faith.

I see the Battle against the beast of fear,
When will it end and who will fail?


Do you like my poem-0f-some-sorts?
( well if you forgive the bad grammar; it's self expression after all).
Humour me.Say Yes.

Blur

It dawns upon me how shallow,empty I have been feeling all this while.
This is, unfortunately, not some sudden epiphany which struck me one fine day,
while I as sitting under the apple tree.

I've been on autopilot mode for too long, only to realise mid-air that I have forgotten
how to fly. Perhaps, it is suffice to say that I'm not proud of it.

How did i allow this to happen?

Honestly, it feels like a complete hoax here where I am whining my lungs away about my life in the Rat race. Hilarious, considering how blessed I am at this very point of time.

I have doting parents and family, a wonderful boyfriend, good friends and a decent stable paycheck. Well, you can pretty much say that I can have my little cupcake and eat it.

Then. Why?

Maybe I just don't want to be remember as just another shopaholic or a 'nice' person/co-worker.
And maybe then, you will realise that I have more brains than you think I have.

Till then, I should just really dump that facade of feigned ignorance and stupidity which seem to give me much of a security blanket and little credit worthiness. I should start listening and trusting myself more again.

I don't know. Maybe it's the hormones talking.

I don't know. Maybe, that's why.

Things I do to traumatize my boyfriend...

I certainly realise and admit that i do unwittingly, unintentionally traumatize my boyfriend. Sometimes.

Given my penchant for watching korean drama and crazy antics, I wouldn't even blink my single eyelid if he decides to produce a movie called My Girlfriend Is A Terrorist.

( Though I am quick to clarify that I do not carry the slightest resemblance to Osama and company. I don't even wear a turban, for goodness sake. Unless my frizzy hair counts.)

Other times, it might be a wee bit more, intentional.
Even something as innocuous as this :


jane says:
ahhaha
i not meng meng
*pouts*
i is cute cute
whaahha
cute cute deng yi xia qi lai hahah
MY NAME IS CUTE-CUTE LIM
thank you

Richie says:
oooo
ahahaha
hallo Cute Cute Lim
i am pleased to know you
huhu

jane says:
hahhaah
me too!!
and may i say
my name is spelled CUTE-CUTE with the hyphen
my friends call me cutey for short
but not cutsey
nv call me cutsey
i mean, WHAT KIND OF NAME IS CUTSEY?
sounds too much like curtsey
and i love hello kitty

As Obliging and sweet ( may i add resilient?) he might be, he obviously has better things to do
than to reply to my bullshit. And I obviously have little affinity with a cat without a mouth.

If you are curious, Meng meng is the pivotal character/ beast ( i think) in the movie Red cliff.

Seriously, I have no idea what has triggered the conversation ( or at least my part of conversation).

Hide

I’ll be really quiet, you don’t have to worry about me.

Just a corner to hide, it won’t take up too much time.

I’ll pray hard for a little sign, and remember my world has been kind.