You strike a humble match...

and the room lit up with its light.

You are awed, mesmerized by this almost celestial glow.
Yet, so afraid when the flame flickers, as the wind blows.
That it may die, and leave you cold.

Not unlike the little girl that sells match stick,
in that childhood tale i know so well.


Once bitten, thrice shy.


You fervently pray that it will always stay this way,
as you pass the burning flame to the candle.
And the candle to the lamp. The lamp to the fire place.

Slow.

Till the room shines with warmth and brightness.

And it will.


Yes, the 'You' in question is always me.

And the room will always be my heart.

Hello =)

It's been an eventful Vesak day, to say the least.

Ah, I'm obviously quite lost for words right now.
Incoherent. Surreal. Surprise.


I'll say this for now:

Hello Guava,

Welcome to my life =)

On A Bright and Sunny Day

Something good happened.

In the midst of sunburn, jelly legs and Burger King.

And I'm glad it did. =)

There are days

when you feel ridiculously, deliriously happy and upbeat.
And then there are the days when all you want to do is to run away,
and to hide away in a secret, safe place.

This is one of the days. It may be because of something, everything or
even nothing in particular at all. It's hard for me to explain.

Trust me, I have intended to induce an emotional,whiny, bout of lamenting
and self-indulgence. But one look at the papers and around the world now,
those disasters. Those tragedies.

The overwhelming loss of life. Loss of light.
The tears, despair and the hopelessness that hung heavily in the air,
that seem to seep through the photographs.
Threatening to engulf me with the tendrils of darkness, and the
sheer terror of ' nothingness'.

Who am I to complain and curse about the predicament I am in?
That I'm stuck in a moment that I can't get out.

Who am I to act high and lofty, trying to control everything that comes along?
Getting frustrated and defeated , when the going gets tough.

Who am I, as compared to the many thousands whom the loved ones were lost,and
struggling to live past another day? Another day of pain and agony, without meals and shelters
in sight. Nothing is a given.

I feel so small, so ignorant.
And blessed to have everything I possess right now.
I'm no Mother Theresa, no Gandhi. Not even Miss Universe ( whose supposed function is to promote world peace).

I am almost nothing, yet I have everything.
I thank you ,my Lord.

Life's too short and too precious to waste.
I don't know how exactly, but maybe it's time to
do things differently. To curb tendency to self destruct.
To throw caution in the air, and not think too much.

Most important, to learn to be the master of Fear.


Perhaps to live a life, where every single day is a story
which you will relish telling your Grand kids about.
Some stories which ( hopefully0) they would love listening to,
and not just trying to be polite.


The Little Red Riding Hood, anyone?

The truth is....

I would very much would like to lock/privatize this post,
for reasons known only to myself and then some.
But as usual, I don't know how and didn't really bother to find out.

Oh well, at least the integrity of this blog would in turn be maintained.
You know, to be politically incorrect and brutally honest
( well, kind of) when need be.
Basically, i blog the way i would write an entry in my personal journal(almost!).
After all, this blog is to make yours truly ( or sincerely,if you will) happy.
And not anyone else.
Though I would sometimes question the wisdom of this very idiosyncrasy,
and the potential unsavory consequences that might come along with it.


There are some things that I've been trying to ignore.
Consciously brushing off what I see and hear, shaking off how I feel.
( Perhaps more of the latter, than anything else.)
Just because I don't want to validate, to give life to it all.
Just because I thought it might all go away, if i will it to.
Just because admitting all these are true makes me feel like a
second class citizen from Nigeria.

Just because.

Don't ask me why, I don't know really.
I don't the fancy the idea of being put on a merry-go-round.
Especially on one that is anything but merry.

One must understand that the magnitude of the actual issue/ situation in reality
might hardly be proportional to how I am illustrating it now.
It is worth to note that,however, I am indeed trying to depict
how i actually feel. Much to the chagrin of my logical, pragmatic self.

It's getting a bit less than comfortable with all these emotions and feelings,
that I cannot define.
Disturbing, unsettling to say the least.
It is getting in the way of my usual sedate, mellow life.
I am beginning to say what I don't mean, do what I won't usually do.
To basically deny what my heart says.
And i suspect it has quite a lot to do with pride
( which I unfortunately and otherwise have a lot of).

I'm fumbling. And it's stupid.

I'll come to my senses soon enough.
And realize ( thankfully) that all these are
figments of my imaginations, tricks of my mind.

Please make it like,
Now.

Despite the best intentions

to be a good man and do the right thing.
I'm doing what i am doing now. Yes like right now.
If you know what I mean.
It sucks. Even on a Friday.

Have you ever had more questions than answers?
And that if you were given a penny for each of these questions,
you might be having lunch with Trump at some swanky restaurants.
Hell, you could even have lunch at Disneyland if you fancy.
One can always dream, at least.

I want answers. I suppose i need them as well.
I pray for at least one of these elusive antidotes to come
fluttering in front of me everyday. And I prayed hard.
Maybe I just have to look hard enough.

Have you ever felt intensely/instinctively that 'The Moment' has passed,
and nothing seemed to be able to bring it back again?

I'm waiting for the next 'Moment' to come.
Are you?

Disclaimer:
All of the above should not be subjected to wild speculation and serious contemplation.
The content could be a direct consequence of a certain Batam day trip,
partially marred by fellow countrymen trying to stick themselves up my ass.

Do they not know the meaning of queue and good courtesy?
All goodwill and attempts to keep my temper from flaring blew,
when these kuku-birds started shoving.
At. my. mother. Bloody hell.

Oh well.
I need a hot date.
Any takers?