I'm just so afraid that...

it will happen all over again.

I feel so tired, so drained.

February is a bad month.
Or maybe I'm just a coward.


Please, let there be sunshine after the rain. :)

Every once so very often...

i get awed and bowled over ( in a good way, of course)
by Mr R's sweet, thoughtful gestures. And how he likes to indulge
my whims and fancies :)

Just the other day,
I had this intense craving for breakfast eggs.
Preferably scrambled and yummy. And egg only.
I would have gladly settled for MacDonald,
if not for the fact they probably wouldn't be very happy with my orders.
( Though i am very sure they probably are strong advocates of ' Happy Meals')

' Aunty, one BIG breakfast w/o muffins and everything else except the eggs.'

It's like chicken rice w/o chicken, ya know.

So my baby bought me Ya kun with the lovely half boiled eggs that i so adore.

But, the craving persists the next day and the next.

Today, I was greeted with sunny yellow scrambled eggs at 5 am in the morning.
( Folks, that's when I start work if you don't already know!)
Lovingly made by Mr R the Superman in the unearthly hours of 3 30 am,
even when he was terribly unwell on 2 days of sick leaves before.

It's amazing how he does these beautiful things so lovingly,
and never asking for any returns.

If this is not love, I don't know what is.
















He's a true gem, and I love you baby!

The Brutal Truth

The silence is deafening.
Out of sorts, under-the-weather or what-have you-nots?

I'm afraid not. It's been far too long.
I can taste fear in my lips,stale and cold.
What does fear taste like?Nothing.

I am 25. And this is not the best of me.So what's left?
Nothing?

What is inertia when you have no drive?
So what are dreams, when I don't even try...

Gracious me. I'm stucked,isn't it.
And it feels like shit.
To be here and not living.
To let this shit drain every single drop of the very essence of me.
The funniest thing is I don't even know what shit i'm talking.

It's always,' Let's do it, Jane!'.
Then,'Do it.','do it...'
After which,' Oh well, maybe..'
Thereafter, whisperings of' Well maybe.. maybe... Not'

Somehow,sometimes, somewhere there might this sudden bust of passion,the inspiring spurt of drive.

' Bloody well do it, Jane!'

Finally and regretfully, we often ended up with '...'
It saddens me a great deal, when all those glorious emotions and energy fizzled into this pathetic drizzle of indifference and numbness.I know there is so much more to me,so much of me.

Any brilliant idea will lose its shine,in this mud of procrastination and mental decomposition.

I am terrified.
Terrified of living my dreams,bringing them into reality.

I'm so damn bloody frightened to go against the norm,
yet even more so terrified that I will become the norm.
To be another tom,dick and harry,making up the statistics scares the shit out of me.

I want so much more, but I don't really know how to go about it.
I don't want to be a Tom, Dick or Harry.'Cause i'm not.

I'm Jane. ( okie, I couldn't resist that :))

I feel like I'm perching on thin,tight line.Afraid to move forward, very reluctant to more forward.Stay still for too long, I'll fall.

What am i suppose to do?
It does't take an epiphany to tell my what to do.
The answer might be painfully clear.


'I'm Jane. And I'm doing it now!'