The truth is....

I would very much would like to lock/privatize this post,
for reasons known only to myself and then some.
But as usual, I don't know how and didn't really bother to find out.

Oh well, at least the integrity of this blog would in turn be maintained.
You know, to be politically incorrect and brutally honest
( well, kind of) when need be.
Basically, i blog the way i would write an entry in my personal journal(almost!).
After all, this blog is to make yours truly ( or sincerely,if you will) happy.
And not anyone else.
Though I would sometimes question the wisdom of this very idiosyncrasy,
and the potential unsavory consequences that might come along with it.


There are some things that I've been trying to ignore.
Consciously brushing off what I see and hear, shaking off how I feel.
( Perhaps more of the latter, than anything else.)
Just because I don't want to validate, to give life to it all.
Just because I thought it might all go away, if i will it to.
Just because admitting all these are true makes me feel like a
second class citizen from Nigeria.

Just because.

Don't ask me why, I don't know really.
I don't the fancy the idea of being put on a merry-go-round.
Especially on one that is anything but merry.

One must understand that the magnitude of the actual issue/ situation in reality
might hardly be proportional to how I am illustrating it now.
It is worth to note that,however, I am indeed trying to depict
how i actually feel. Much to the chagrin of my logical, pragmatic self.

It's getting a bit less than comfortable with all these emotions and feelings,
that I cannot define.
Disturbing, unsettling to say the least.
It is getting in the way of my usual sedate, mellow life.
I am beginning to say what I don't mean, do what I won't usually do.
To basically deny what my heart says.
And i suspect it has quite a lot to do with pride
( which I unfortunately and otherwise have a lot of).

I'm fumbling. And it's stupid.

I'll come to my senses soon enough.
And realize ( thankfully) that all these are
figments of my imaginations, tricks of my mind.

Please make it like,
Now.