Dealing With the Aftermath...

of an earth shattering and perhaps life changing event is never easy for anyone.
Well, I'm not even good in Maths to begin with. ( Don't get me started on the multiple mathematics teachers whom i had barely concealed feuds with. The feeling was mutual, thank you.)

Pardon my tendency to dramatize and sensationalize,
I am after all officially unemployed due to major organization restructuring that
has rendered certain positions ( read: yours truly) redundant. So, cut me some slack for now.

An exact week and one day after that fateful Black Tuesday,
I am still in emotional and mental limbo.
Sure, I'm open about my predicament.
But that doesn't meant that I do not have questions. Some of which I may never find the answers to, while others may just take great faith and some time to reveal.

I cannot deny these sneaky panic attacks that i get,
afraid that time will just pass me by while i am stalled in the game of Life.
And how i am loss for words when people asked if I was laid off, as a result of
office politics. For I really don't and wouldn't know.

The truth is that I'm not so much deflated at the reality of being axed, but terribly afraid of what comes after. The Choice of path which i choose to take thereafter. I've been on auto-pilot mode for so darn long that it sends tingles down my spine now that I'm taking the control of my life again.

It is simultaneously liberating,exciting and very daunting.

I can only pray.

I am not afraid to say I'm afraid.
Not afraid to say that the retrenchment has plundered some of my confidence,my pride and then some. Yet, it gave me back the ability to think and plan, which the job had unfortunately robbed me of. Not unlike giving back the cow, her udders.

It is unbelievable how many people has shown their concern and support when they knew about my little tricky situation. The helping hands, listening ears, the kind words overwhelmed my heart, in the best way ever of course. I thank you , you people who has shown immense love and tolerance during this tough patch.
The same people who volunteered part of their anatomy ( ok, this sounds wrong)
to make me feel a little better, and very much stronger.
I guess there must be something I am doing right, after all :)

And i know i have a lot to grateful for,
and this period just highlights my blessings.
I see the light at the end of tunnel,
and realize that Light never left me at all.

I stumbled, but I never fell.
Not when I have so much love holding me on, pushing me through :)
Thank you.