Perfect in Mediocrity...

Sometimes I think I am so much of a perfectionist , that I am just so terribly afraid that what I do turns out to be imperfect. Nondescript. Or mediocre.
And end up not doing anything at all.

Such fear of being a failure is not cute, i know.


As you may already tell, I'm pretty much in denial about it.

Seems like I'm the kind of person who asserts incessant pressure on myself,
driving myself crazy without meaning to. My body crashes and turns ballistic on me,leaving me quite the bewildered fool with the insane amount of drugs I take.

Stress ,it seems. Or so some of my doctors say.
Stress it is then, I suppose.

In true honesty, it is somewhat of humiliation and utter blow to my oh-so-sensitive ego when people suggest that my physical health crumbles in the face of challenge. I hate it because it implies that I am weak. We all know how unspoken implications sting , especially the young and indignant.

And no one likes to be weak.
This is a fact of life, something that even the great evolution of Mankind ( and otherwise) cannot and will not erase. This is how the ecosystem is being run and will continue to.

I am ,however,feeling weak.
Knowing that I am yet again at crossroads and not knowing what to do next can be quite distressing. Ha, am I the only one who can smell the thick scent of irony?

Having a supportive and loving family , and of course the wonderful boyfriend eases the frustration,the helplessness of being weak. I only fear for their own sanity.

Well, mostly the boyfriend's for now.
I am truly amazed at his threshold for my nonsense, my incoherent blabberings and all those crying fits.He's ever patient and giving, and nary a word of complain even when i am shrieking my head off over the phone. Does the sweetest things to make me happy, and giving in to my silly little whims. Ah, such a darling and i bet he knows it too. haha
Thank you, my dear :)

It's strange how counting my blessings seem to change this whole depressing almost militant flavour of this post. Yes, I'm not as ungrateful and crazy as what you may think.

Oh well, I'll do better tomorrow.