Just feeling a little blue tonight

So, it's been a wee bit more than two months since I've last updated this little space of mine.

This is, unfortunately, the amount of time since the last time I've reflected on my thoughts, my desires and just life in general.

It's been a whirlwind of two months. I've turned 27, got engaged with the dearest man, gone on a holiday to two great cities which I've never been before and then some. Not necessarily in that order though.

I feel empty. I feel like there is a huge,fun and crazy party out there and I am the only one on the universe missing out all the fun and yes, the craziness. Are you feeling this too?

By the way, I don't mean this literally. I'm too old for party-parties.

I'm afraid of growing old - not so much the physical aspect of it ( tell me that when I've droopy breasts and sagging eye bags.But then, there is botox.)but the benchmarks and expectations which envitably come with it.

Time is a funny, sneaky little thing.
I feel like Time has come and pasted this silly, white ( don't ask me why) sticker on my forehead which says, " Old. Needs to get married and have kids." or/maybe another sticker at the back of my head ,not unlike a school report card, that goes," Average kid. Needs to try harder.. but a wee bit too late."

Something like that.

Make no mistake, I've no qualms about getting married and having kids. I just don't like how everyone assumes that's the path you should go when you have stable and healthy romantic relationship with a person you love dearly.

I believe there is always time ( that sneaky fellow again) and day for everything. There are things I want to do, I want to accomplish before I walk down the aisle to the next stage of my life.

I used to sneer at people who claimed that getting married is just about getting a piece of paper ( yes too much tv dramas) but not so much now. As you realise, I will be engaged for some time to come.


Life is not like a simple maths sum ( more like algebra and calculas which I never gotten the hang of it). We can never follow the same formula to get the right answer.

Everyone is different but not everyone understands this. So, don't give me the prep talk if you don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm thinking of taking my masters though I haven't decided on whether to take a specialised postgraduate degree or an MBA. There are many reasons why I want to take an MBA but that will be for another day. It will be a huge investment of money and time but I've this feeling it will be worth it.

I just want to keep growing and learning and hopefully accomplishing something great for myself. Perhaps, this is precisely why I feel this emptiness.

As profound and idealistic it may sound, I want to walk down the aisle whole.

Whole. Happy. Confident.

You know, whenever I say I will do something (especially on this blog), I will do thing. Well, it may take a little longer for the inertia to subside but I will get there. ( Hello Macdonald's party, Hello quiting-without-a-job).


I am not coherent. I can be withdrawn and silly at times.
That doesn't mean I don't think and I have no mind of my own.

Pardon my incoherence. There are stuff I need to get out my system and cure myself of this mental and emotional constipation.