Last Thursday evening, I had a mini, mini breakdown and fainted. - Well, the fainting episode is too much even for me , your trusty residential drama queen.
What started off as a prick on the mole hill ended up in an avalanche of unrelentingly stifling raw white-hot emotions, burning off the emotional vacuum I've been living in a while.
I felt helpless like that, mortified and taken aback by the magnitude of my emotions.
The magnitude of my fears, my unhappiness, my unworthiness.
Fear feeds on unhappiness. Unhappiness consumes all humans.
And, I, I am only human.
Why open the Pandora's box?
It's like wrapping fire with paper, scorching my bare skin as the flame seeks to escape. Never push me.
The fire which never brings light is gratuitous.
It never burns but torments with its taunts and stings,
questioning your sanity, prodding at your fears.
It's hard to talk about it. I can barely close the lid on the can of worms.
I'm not playing the role of a victim. I love the victorious heady rush of a winner too much for that.
I know I have much to be grateful for and I am thankful for it.
I just want to call a spade a spade. If I'm not happy, I am not happy.
That doesn't mean I want to rush to the nearest soup kitchen, begging for hand outs.
That doesn't mean that I don't want to fight.
Who are you to judge me for that? Too painful, too raw.
These emotions, too painful, too raw.
Recognizing that I'm lost may very well put me one step closer to being found.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment