Have you ever felt

like you have a million thoughts and emotions swirling in your mind but couldn't find the right words to express them?

I'm at a crossroad and faced with an ultimatum which I cannot afford to fail.

The funny thing is that I had a epiphany last night after spending an hour (and spraining my neck) in a trampoline park.

I am, generally,  full of fear and my mind falls prey to all kinds of psychological barriers or phobia you can think of. And then I get stuck, frozen at the very first place I've started ( Not sure if you could call started) and unable to move forward. Ironically, i can do it when I leave inhibitions behind ( though I probably need a step-by-step guide because I just don't know how. and just try hard enough.

It's like I like to draw little circles around myself. You know, little circles of comfort zones.This, Jane can do it. That may be a stretch but still can done with time and practice ( but sometimes, the time is never right). Those ( huge) puddles of unknown in between the circles, I can't bear to look them in the eyes.  Too different, too difficult, too out of my league ( even though nobody actually knows what kind of league i'm in).


Here I am, wretched with pain and fear.
Afraid to lose, something I hold so dear.
Not far away, the dark skies loom.
They seem to speak of only gloom.

Don't fear, my little dear
Look there, a rainbow in sight
Drenched in that beautiful godly light.