ah, just another day it seems...

Have I mentioned that I met a girl on Friday who reminded me alot of myself?
Or rather how i used to be.
She's all perky,enthusiastic and so full of energy. One can't help but be drawn to her.

Granted she was trying to persuade me to become a long term donor for National Cancer foundation, it was also evident that she has passion for what she was doing.

I can be cynical ( well as cynical as my nature allows me to. I have been donating regularly to National Heart foundation after all.) but I do regconize a true passionate soul when I see one.
The more cynical and jaded of you out there, yes, she is indeed younger than I am ( and i'm not that old, for that matter.) And yes, I suppose she has to do her job. But her spirit is true and strong under sweltering sun. I know she believes in what she is doing.

For I was once like her, a fighter for my beliefs. Meeting her, in a matter-of-fact sort of way , puts me to shame. The kind which made you squirm uncomfortably like the time when you farted in an overcrowded lift and everyone knew it was you. Over the years, it seemed like I have left some things dear to me behind. Over the years, I became less of me and more like everyone else. Somehow,I have been quietly mourning for the death of those dear things. I'm not too sure whether my self defeating behaviour in this vicious cycle is a feeble attempt to (over) compensate for this loss.

Somehow, I become less brave, less adventurous,less passionate, more materialisic and much more fearful. Just like everyone else. It scares me so and I don't like it.

I am at crossroads, once again. I was brave enough to make some decisions but I'm not too sure if I am strong enough to follow them through. I am having the cold feet and my vision is getting blur. I do not seem to be able to juggle my priorities at the moment. Perhaps, I am just too hard on myself.

I am not too sure if i can think better by putting myself on the edge.
There can only be courage when there is fear. I'll put it to test and let you know.