Hey You!

I have things to say, many things to clarify.

I hate explaining myself but somehow, I always find a need to. People can be so presumptuous, so eager to help, so self contained that they forget they are not me. They don't know me the way i know myself.

They only know the side of me which I chose to divulge, when I deem fit. They only know what I tell them, not what they see. For they can't, for all the divinity and celestial power they think they may have in their mortal bodies, they cannot see what is happening within me.

My choice is mine to make. I know I may seem I'm falling in a million pieces, in thousand and one directions. I may be lost on shaky grounds but I am darn sure I figure it out.

I will emerge victorious. I will make sure of that.


Perhaps I brought it upon myself by complaining and lamenting about how lost I have been feeling and the choices I will need to make, and the so called unimportant stuff I am made to do or will be doing ( I know I always call it sai gang but you know, not everyone can do sai gang well. ). I may have created an impression that I am indeed going to do sai gang all my live, all thanks to my ability to f*ck my life upside down.

I tend to wear my heart on my sleeves but if you know me, my emotions and my insights are often magnified. When I am happy, I am very happy. Likewise when I feel down, it does seem like the whole world is shattering.

My friends will know how indecisive I can be during shopping escapades and what nots. I think too much, take too many things into consideration. I do, like everyone else, get affected what people say and think. But these are usually trivial things.

At the end of the day, I will never regret my decisions. Things I have done so far, for all the laments and profanities I might have spout , I stand by them. I understand that my decisions may not be the most sound, the most viable which is why I take so darn long to decide.


Don't ask me to sleep on it. Or not think too much, please. You know it is almost impossible to do so when you have a nagging worry, consequence of which will affect your future. You have been there, haven't you? It's like having piles i suppose, not that I am assuming you have them.

Don't give me the bullshit about taking time to think about what I want. Damn I think too much. I pray every single day for an answer, for a sign. The thing about Life is that you don't get things done, simply by sleeping/sitting/shitting on it. I have seen myself paralysed with fear, unable to move forward , hoping things may just fall into their places. Life took a good long look at me, yawned, and stopped moving altogether. So no, don't tell me to think.

Another thing I have realised about people is the tendency to discourage action or encourage inaction, all in the noble name of trying to help, trying to be a friend. Someone who does that to you is no friend, my friends. Paralysed by their own fear to move on, these people will warn, cajole, persuade, advise you to stick to the comfort zone.

They have this insane need for more people to be on their side, to assure them their decision to stay within this warm fuzzy comfort zone is the right one. And of course, they may also be driven by the fear of you being more successful than them once you venture out and beyond.

I've seen these people dishing out advices to me. I've seen these people and I tell you it's indeed unnerving. These are nice people, people whom you think are essentially good. People who will turn aghast at this idea of them not being so Nice after all.

But everyone has their own agendas, their own ulterior motives. Most of the times, I think I'm pretty perceptive, pretty good at reading their agendas. I just pretend that I don't, I'm just discreet.If you think I am talking about you ( honestly I am not dedicating this post to anyone in particular), I probably am.

Yes, I am not too good a person either. I am selfish, self absorbed, crazy sometimes competitive in ways that i can't fathom. Contrary to what most people think, I am ambitious. While there is no need to conquer the world, I want to be recognized as being good at what I choose to do.

Let me reinterate my point - I know what I am doing.
You know what I am darn good at?

Climbing up when I fall.

Oh by the way, if you have ' been there done there' and become really contented and successful person, I really would appreciate a chance to speak to you.