All things Pretty

I have a love-hate relationship with shopping.

The acquisition of all things pretty, along with the power and adrenaline rush which come as a cool gift with purchase, usually send shivers down the bottom of my spine ( which continues right after i receive my credit card bill).

I have never denied my neurotic obession with control. I need ferevently and desperately need to be in control, in every single aspect of my life. It is no wonder I regularly beat myself up ( not literally lar, not that psycho.But close...) when I feel something in my life is spiralling out of my control. Hence, it is not surprising that my shopping tendencies may be due to or at least strongly encouraged by my control-or-die-trying complex. You know, ' I can. Therefore, I will."
(Okie, alright maybe you don't.)

Well, I am lying when I said I have a love-hate relationship with shopping. It is always love because I only buy things that I love ( It's just a pity that I 'LOVE' too many things). The hate part only comes in the form of a guilt trip after I spend like I'm possessed. .

I vividly remember a period of time when I possess more...self control. Yes, the irony of all things. Even though I usually spend within my means ( I am not in any debts or whatsoever), I do realise my spending habits do stand in the way of my saving schemes. Of course, this epiphany of mine only struck when I was confronted with my dwindling account.

You see, the thing about me is that I have rather high level of awareness - I am constantly aware of my surroundings and myself. That shouldn't be surprising, coming from a control freak like yours truly. I know very well what my flaws are but sometimes it takes superhero kind of strength to over those flaws. Shopping is potentially my achilles heel. ( amongst other things la, I am after all human mah!)

Furthermore, I do think my love for shopping is at odds with my interest towards community service and giving back to society ( by that, I don't mean contributing to the GDP of our economy through shopping). How can I spend my money in such frivolous way when I am know there are people who are much less privelleged than I am?

Indeed, I have been lazy. The so called community service I do these days involves a monthly contribution of NHF and the occasional donations to bustlers and aunties selling tissue papers. Honestly, I am ashamed because I have not given what I can give. Sometimes, I get so long in the acquisition of physical things I forgot how important it is for me to give. Again, I am not trying to paint myself as some long suffering saint. No, I am not.

I know how much more I will receive when I give my all to help others. The fulfillment, the happiness , satisfaction and the gratitude will multiply just like that. I am writing this down to remind myself to do more rather than think more.

Plans I will execute for the year 2010:

> Join the POSB Run for Kids 2010 - Please join me as well! Just fun run not competitive run!
Here for more details:

http://www.dbs.com/posb/runforkids/default.aspx

>Organise a Macdonald's party for Jamiyah's Children home - Hopefully in september, once I settle into my new job and start receiving income again.

> This is tentative. I am toying the idea of becoming a wish granter with Make a wish foundation. ( Please encourage me people. :) I don't want to just toy with the idea).


hmmmm on hindsight, I think I can still aspire to be a Prada toting Community Service enthusiast after all ! I am sure I can find the middle ground :D